Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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