So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
