WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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