So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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