I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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