No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
