I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
