I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
