i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
