I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
