id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize