Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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