i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
