i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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