i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize