So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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