i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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