I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The best revenge is premature balding
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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