that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
