you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize