The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
