you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
being pregnant is like rehab
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
