Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
