I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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