Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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