Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
