thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
