everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
