He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
