Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
