so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Barsexuality is the new black.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
