Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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