My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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