i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
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You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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