He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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