my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
