1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
