he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
