Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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