Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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