His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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