I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
