Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Are we still banned from the library?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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