i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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