Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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