you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
