I wish I could punch you in the face.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
