i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
