i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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