She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
