Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
