Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
