I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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