Don't you send me to vm
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
