White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
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Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
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We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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