Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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