They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
