I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
