So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
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could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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