They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
