So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
