Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize