Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Even my vagina gasped.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
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