Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
