Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
