i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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